Zachary
Dear Mrs. Lois Szymanski, Hi my name is Zachary I am 9 years old. I like to play baseball. I like to read but I don't like to write. My favorite book is Julie of the Wolves. I like to write about true stories and about things that happened in the past.
Your friend,
Dear Zachary, I liked reading your letter and getting to know a little bit about you! I am looking forward to working together this year as you write your story. I hope that you change your mind and by the end of the year you like to write stories. It can be fun if you turn it into a game. I spend lots of time daydreaming, thinking about what will happen in my stories. Making up stuff in my mind and playing with new ideas makes creating a story exciting! I pretend I am the main character, and then I dream up all sorts of ideas about what could happen in the story. Some of the things I come up with are just plain crazy, but some are fun and they work well. After I think of many ways to write the same story, I pick the best one, and set to work. Even then, I might change my mind and write it a different way! Writing is an adventure. Did you know that readers make the best writers? It is true, and you like to read, so you will be a good writer, for sure. Julie of the Wolves is a great book! I can see why that would be your favorite. You must like animals, wildlife, and nature a lot? I like to read true stories and stories from the past, too, and that is what I like to write. Is that what you will write? When you write a true story from your life it comes from your heart, and that makes it special. Baseball is my favorite sport. Do you play on a team, or just for fun? Will your story be about someone that plays baseball, or will you write about a true story from your family, or your life? Think about your characters, and where you want your story to take place. Think about the stories in your life, and you will find an idea for the perfect story. I am looking forward to hearing more about you and the story you will write. I hope to hear from you soon!
Your New Friend,
November 17, 2003 Dear Mrs. Szymanski, I did not know that readers make the best writers. I like wildlife and nature. No, I will not write about wildlife. I will write about the ghosts of pilgrims and Indians because they are interesting. They will be in my house for Thanksgiving dinner. I will not write about baseball this time. No, I will not write a true story about my family.
Your friend,
Dear Zachary, Your story idea is very original. I like that this is something new. It is a great story idea! I am pleased to see that you already know a lot about your story. You have the setting, your house, and you have some of your characters, the ghosts. What other characters will be in your story? Will your family have dinner with the Pilgrim-ghosts and the Indian-ghosts? Will they learn about the past from these visitors? Will they be afraid, or will they form new friendships? I have so many questions! Every good story starts with a conflict or a problem. Is your problem the fact that ghosts are in your house, or will there be something more? What will happen in the story? What reason do the ghosts have for coming to visit, and how will your story end? To help you decide what will happen in your story, you might want to play the "What-if? Game". I often play the What-if Game when I am working on a story and I am not sure what will happen next. I come up with many things that could happen, and I ask myself, What if this happens? How will it change my story? What if that happens? Where will my story go? For example; What if the Pilgrims decide to start a fire in the kitchen to cook the turkey on? What if they decide to kill the neighbor's turkey, or go hunting in the neighborhood for food? What if Mom is so frightened of the ghosts that she calls the police? What if little sister becomes good friends with a Pilgrim girl and does not want her to leave… ever!? Each of these questions would make something different happen in your story, and make it end up a different way. I bet you can come up with some what if questions of your own. Then, you will be able to choose one of the many ideas to make your story the most exciting!
Your Friend,
January 6, 2004
Thank you for sending your story web. It was wonderful! Your idea is very original, and it will be fun to write. I did have a few questions. Here they are: What are your characters names? Are they afraid when the ghosts show up, and especially when they actually speak? How many ghosts, pilgrims and Indians show up? Are any live people in the story? Who will be your main character? Your main character is the one who is actually telling us the story, or the one who the story is most about. How will your story open up, or start? Will everyone go to the house for dinner, then discover they do not have enough ingredients? Is that when the ghosts show up? Or, are the ghosts the only characters in the story?
Write back soon, so I can read your first draft. This is going to be fun!
Your Friend,
Pilgrims My friends and I walked in the dining room and guess what we saw ghost pilgrims! So we walked up to my mom and dad and said we saw ghost pilgrims. My mom and dad said I do not believe you. Mom, please believe me. "Ok we will go in to the dinning room and see what's the problem. There are no ghosts of Pilgrims. Go up to your room. You don't have to go home because your mom sent you over here and she is going to try to find some ingredients for Thanksgiving. There is your mother. Sorry I did not find any ingredients. It's ok. We can go to the store. No they are closed today. Mom, what the Ghosts pilgrims are walking. I've had it with you. I thought you were up in your room anyway. I am going to check one more time and if the Ghosts pilgrims are not there I am going to ground for a year! Oh my god there is Ghosts pilgrims. I am about to pass out. I am so sorry son. I thought you were telling me a lie. Hhhhhiii. I have some ingredients for you. You can talk. Yes we are friendly Ghosts. You have some ingredients for us. We live peaceful. We used to be pilgrims back then. WOW, that is so cool. Can you give us some ingredients? Yes we will give you some ingredients. Are you going ton help us? Yes why not hahahahah. Ok the feast is going to start in an hour. How do you tell time? I have a watch. How did you get it? I can turn in to a regular man and get a watch. You can, let me see, ok, cool. Let's get back to work. Here are the ingredients. Thank you," you're welcome. Let's start making, first we start with the chicken. Then we make the photatos and then that's all we have to make because every body will arrive and bring food.
February 11, 2004 Hi Zachary, I really enjoyed reading your first draft. I've never had a student write a story about pilgrim and Indian ghosts, and that makes your story very special. It is a wonderfully original idea! I like the way you open your story right away with the ghosts! This lets the reader know he is going to have a ghost story! Ghost stories are exciting and fun to read! You write dialog very well. Dialog is when you make the characters in your story talk. The conversations of your characters seem very real! If you add some description and let us know how your main character feels it will be even better. Here is an example. I'll type in part of your story below. I'll type the parts I add in bold text.
Mom was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes. She pushed a lock of hair away from her face and stared at me.
"Mom, please believe me!" I said.
She dried her hands on a towel. "Ok, we will go into the dining room and see what's the problem."
Mom walked right into the dining room. My heart raced as I followed, but I didn't need to be afraid. The room was empty! The ghosts were gone!
Mom looked angry. "Go to your room," she said.
Don't forget to make a different paragraph every time someone new speaks, or whenever you move to a new place, or subject. I love the way your ghosts turn out to be friendly and, in the true spirit of Thanksgiving, they offer to bring ingredients for dinner! I can't wait to see what the rest of the ghosts look like, and what they bring for dinner! Write back soon!
Your Friend,
April 7, 2004
PilgrimsMy friends and I walked in the dining room and couldn’t believe what we saw. We ran to my mom who was busy in the kitchen getting ready for our Thanksgiving dinner. “Mom! We saw strange things in the dining room. We saw gh…gh…gh…. Ghost Pilgrims!” Mom was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes. She pushed a lock of hair away from her face and stared at me. “Mom, please believe me!” I said, “ come see for yourself.” She dried her hands on a towel. “Ok, let’s go see what the problem is.” Mom walked right into the dinning room. My heart raced as I followed, but I didn’t need to be afraid. The room was empty! The ghosts were gone! Mom looked confused and not very happy. She was busy fixing dinner and didn’t have time to waste. “Zachary, I don’t see any ghosts at all. Would you and your friends please go to our neighbor’s house and get stuffing mix? No stores are open today.” We were gone about ten minutes when my mom decided to check one more time for ghosts. When we walked in the back door with the stuffing mix we saw mom standing in the kitchen doorway with her mouth wide open. She was looking in the dinning room. “Oh my! There ARE ghosts Pilgrims! She thought. I am about to pass out. Mom looked at the ghosts but no words would come out of her mouth. She stood there and looked frozen. Finally she turned around and saw me and my friends. “I am so sorry, son. I thought you were telling me a lie. Very quietly a voice said, ” I have something for you. You can talk. Yes we are friendly Ghosts. We have some ingredients for you. We live peaceful. We used to be pilgrims back then.” “WOW, that is so cool! Can you give us some ingredients?” Mom asked. “Yes, we will give you some ingredients,” the pilgrim answered. “Are you going to help us?” Mom asked. “Yes, why not? Hahahahah.” The Pilgrim laughed. “Ok, the feast is going to start in an hour. How do you tell time?’ Mom asked the Pilgrim. The Pilgrim replied, “I have a watch." “You do?” asked Mom. “Let’s get back to work,” said the pilgrims, “Here are the ingredients.” “Thank you,” said mom. “You’re welcome.” “Let’s start making dinner. First we start with the chicken. Then we make the potatoes and then that’s all we have to make because every body will arrive and bring food. All we have to do is wait or decorate the house with ohhhhhh I guess we can’t. Let’s wait. They’re here! Ok Let’s start eating every body. Every body I need to tell you all something we have ghosts in our house the crowd said oh my god do not worry they are good. Look at them the crowd did not care any more and the ghosts had friends. THE END
April 20, 2004 Hi Zachary, Thanks for sending me your story revisions. This is such a neat story! It was fun to read. You have an excellent first sentence. When you say, "My friends and I walked into the dining room and couldn't believe what we saw," everyone that reads it will wonder what you and your friends saw, and they will keep on reading. That's a great way to start a story! You also added some nice details, like, Mom pushing away her lock of hair, and your heart racing as you follow, and the way mom looked confused and not very happy! When someone new speaks, or someone new thinks, make sure you start another paragraph. You should split paragraph five. Make a new paragraph starting with "Mom looked confused and not very happy. She had been busy fixing dinner and didn't have time to waste. Use the words had been, so it is in the same tense as the rest of the story. Past tense lets us know that something has already happened in the past, a few minutes ago, or a long time ago. Present tense is when the reader feels like it is happening now. I liked how Mom walked back into the dining room by herself and you caught her "standing in the kitchen doorway with her mouth wide open." These are some excellent details. I especially liked it when she said, "I'm sorry, son. I thought you were telling me a lie." Then you added that wonderful next line to start the next paragraph. "Very quietly, a voice said, "I have something for you." Wow! That line and the way you wrote it stopped me cold. It was perfect. I can picture a timid ghost offering kindness and friendship. I liked it that Mom was friendly, too, and asked for help with ingredients, but maybe she can still be a little bit frightened? It's not every day that a ghost walks into your dining room! Remember to start a new paragraph each time someone new speaks. The end of your story didn't have the paragraphs breaks in, but they may have been moved by my email server. The very last paragraph could have a little more punch. It seemed like you weren't sure where to end the story. Is that what happened? Endings are always hard. Maybe you could just say something about it being a strange Thanksgiving, or the best Thanksgiving you ever had, or a Thanksgiving you will never forget. I know you will think of a good ending line, or two. I am very impressed with your story. Your imagination is wonderful and you're a great writer, Zachary!
Your Friend, |
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Patti Weeg May 22, 2004 |
November 7, 2003
November 10, 2003
Now that you have a lot to think about, I better say goodbye for now. I am looking forward to hearing from you again! I want to hear more about the Pilgrim and Indian ghosts and what kind of trouble they stir up!
How did you spend your holiday break? I hope it was a lot of fun! I got to relax, read, and write some stories. It was nice to have time off work and school, wasn't it?
I like the way your story ends with the problem solved. You have all the ingredients for a great meal and your story ends with everyone enjoying dinner! I think you have all the ingredients for a super story. Now you just have to put the right spices in, and stir the plot!