Zachary
My name is Zachary. I live with me mom my dad and Brock. My hobbies are painting. I like to play baseball. I don't like to go fishing. I'm a good football player.
Your friend,
I am happy to be reading your letter and getting to know a new friend! You have the same name as my cat... Zachary! It's neat that you like to paint. Maybe you will illustrate stories one day. I don't like to fish either. I don't like it because I don't want to hurt the fish, (and I get bored, too!) But I love baseball. You like baseball and football, so you must be really good at sports. I see you like to play ball. I just like to watch the games. What do you think you will write your story about? It will be more fun for you if you write about something you really like a lot. When we get to the rewriting, and the editing, it won't seem like work if it is about something you love. That's why I write a lot of stories about horses, and ghosts! To me, horses and ghosts are exciting, and I like to read about them, research about them, and write about them! I will be waiting to hear your ideas, and to read your story. I hope you have lots of good ideas, and you remember to have fun writing about them!
Warmest Wishes from
November 24, 2001
Here are some of my ideas:
About my missing tooth I will like to pick The lost boy for my story
Your friend,
November 29, 2001 I liked all of your story ideas. I thought you had some ideas that you could put together in one story. The camping trip, the fat snake, and the big fish, all sounded like they could be together in one story! That's pretty neat. But you will write about the lost boy! You've made me curious! Have you ever met a lost boy? Have you ever been lost? How does the lost boy lose his way? What does he look like? Where is he at? Who finds him, and how? Is he safe, or in danger? I have so many questions!
When writing yoru story think about these things: Good luck writing your story! I am excited about reading about the lost boy!
Your Friend,
Here is my story map. Can you help me whith my story?
Your friend,
December 10, 2001 I liked looking at your story map. You have the start of an exciting story! I see that your character (in the "Who" box) is named Joey. Is he a real person, or one that you are making up for your story? I like your setting (in the "Where" Box). Having your story set at a carnival already makes us know that it will be exciting. A carnival is a fun place, full of activity and sound and movement. It's a place where a boy could get lost very easily. It's a place for adventure! Your "Where" box says that the story will take place in the summer. Will it be daytime, or at night, a weekend or a weekday? I see in the "What" box that your problem is that Joey gets lost. I think your solution will be that Joey is found, but how will it happen? Who will find him, and what will happen while he is lost? I hope your story has a happy ending, with Joey going home to his family! Write to me soon and let me know what you decide. It will be good to read about what happens to Joey at the carnival.
Your Friend,
The Lost Boy "Joey! Joey!" Joey's parents called him but he didn't come. They were very worried about Joey because he didn't meet them on the carnival grounds at the ferris wheel ride at the time he was supposed to meet them It was a warm Saturday afternoon in June. Joey's mom and dad took him and his brother, Cody, to the Sharptown carnival. They loved to go every year. The boys liked the hot dogs and spicy crabcakes. Joey won a red helium balloon at the Penny Toss both. It got away from him and a man getting off the ferris wheel ride told them that a boy with a balloon bumped into him and fell. He lost his ballon and followed it around the carnival and into the woods. Joey cariied the balloon and stopped to look at the ferris wheel going around and he bumped into a man who was at the carnival with his children. They were waiting in the line for the ride on the ferris wheel. The balloon string slipped from Joey's hand and went high in the sky. He began to chase it and followed it into the woods around the Sharptown carnival grounds. The man saw him running after his balloon. The red ballon was twirling around in the sky and seemed happy to be free and away from the string. Joey followed it through the woods until it got stuck in a big oak tree. In the meantime, Joey's mom and dad and brother, Cody, were looking everywhere for him. Cody ran toward the woods and at last saw a red balloon near the top brances of a tree. As he got closer he could hear Joey calling for help. Joey climbed as far as he could but then he got scared and called for help. Cody went through lots trails to find his brother but he had to climb over fallen branches before he could get to Joey. At last Cody found him upside down hanging from a branch.. Cody tried to climb the tree and hold on to Joey so he could get down but Joey's fingers started to slip from the tree. Cody could tell that Joey was going to fall so he said, "Hang on, Joey! I'll go get mom and dad to call the fire department. They'll help you get down. Ten minutes later Cody ran back really fast with his mom and dad and two fire fighters who were carrying a ladder. The firemen were happy that they rescued a little boy. Joey's mom and dad were so happy to see him again on the ground. Joy's mom and dad took Joey back to the carnival and got him a blue balloon. The blue balloon also got away from Joey but he decided not to chase the balloon and instead he watched it fly away.
Hi Zachary, I read your story with excitement. You have a lot of great ideas and a nice plot outlined here. I could picture the things in your story in my head because you did a good job telling me about them. The things you will have to work on in your story are point of view and how it affects the story timing. Your story switches from the point of view of Joey, and his parents and family who are looking for him. This is okay, but since it is really Joey's story, you should start with his point of view first. Maybe you could open your story with the fourth paragraph, opening with a simpler line, like this.... Joey carried his red balloon, watching the Ferris wheel go around and around. Thump! A man bumped into him as he waited in line for a ride. The balloon string slipped from his hand and his balloon went high in the sky. Then, show Joey following his balloon into the woods and climbing the tree. Maybe you could have Joey think, I bet Mom and Dad are wondering why I didn't show up to meet them at the Ferris Wheel on time. After Joey is in the tree, you could do a double skip and use paragraph one. A double skip is when you skip two lines on the page to show a jump in time, or a new point of view. For you, the double skip will show that you are switching to Joey's family's point of view. So you would then have: "Joey! Joey!" Joey's parents called him but he didn't come. They were worried because Joey had not met them at the Ferris wheel as he had promised. From there, you could tell what Joey's parents and his brother Cody are thinking, feeling, and experiencing, until they find Joey. When Joey spots them coming through the woods, you will no longer need two point of views in the story. Most of the changes you will make are only a matter of moving blocks of text, but they will greatly improve your story. I can't wait to read it once again!
Your Friend, |
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