Niki
November 12, 2001 My name is Niki. I am eight years old. I have nine people in my family. I like to clean my room. I like to go over to my friend's house. I love ice cream and pizza. I have 2 dogs, 3 cats, one gold fish, one guinea pig and three birds. Your friend, Niki
It is nice to meet you! You have a very big family, just like me. I have six brothers and sisters (three of each), and there were nine people in my family when I was growing up. Being in a big family is an adventure in itself! I think it is very cool that you like to clean your room. I always liked to clean mine too. There is something nice about having everything in order. That will help you in your writing, too! You have ten pets! With a big family, and lots of pets, I bet you will have lots of ideas to write about. I can't wait to hear from you again, and find out what kind of story ideas you have in mind. Write back soon!
Your Friend,
Hi Mrs.Szymanski, My story is going to be about my friends. Myself My pet dogs or cats My mom my friends A magic wand Lost kitten Magic candy
Your friend,
Hi Niki, I am glad you are going to write about your friends, yourself, your mom, or your pets, because they are all things you know a lot about, and you care about! When you write about something you know and love your story comes from your heart and that makes it turn out especially nice! Even though you are going to write about something you know, you can still add in something from your imagination, like magic, if you want to. Maybe you can use the magic wand in your story, too. When you have decided on a subject, you will have to develop your story idea even more. Ask yourself, "What will happen in my story?" If you start your story with a problem, and you solve the problem by the end of the story, you will keep the reader's interest and they will want to keep reading. Every good story has 3 Cs. A good main CHARACTER, a CONFLICT or a problem, and a CONCLUSION. THat's where your problem gets solved. Whatever happens in your story is called the plot. I can't wait to see what kind of a plot, or storyline you write about! Keep writing, and let me know as soon as you know what you are going to have happen in your story!
Your Friend,
December 18, 2001 Here is story map. Can you please help me with my story?
Your Friend,
December 20, 2001 I have enjoyed looking at your story map. It looks like you are on the way to writing an exciting story! You've selected a good setting, three good characters, and a good problem to solve in the story. I like the idea of playing a detective game to solve the problem of the missing necklace. Three girls playing a detective game will make the story fun! It will be interesting to see how they act when they begin to think like real detectives. How will you play the game? Will you ask yourself (and each other) questions about the missing necklace? Will you interview (or talk to) anyone who might know where the necklace is, and will you take notes in a note pad like a real detective writing down all the clues she finds? You could also play the What if? game in the story. I like it when I can play the What if? game in stories that I write. That is when you ask yourself questions about what is happening. You could ask "What if the dog ate it?", or "What if a burglar broke in our house and stole it?", or "What if it fell into the trash can and is on its way to the city dump?" There are so many What if? questions you could ask out- loud in your story, and each one could send your characters in on a different hunt for the necklace. I'm glad your story will have a happy ending, and the necklace will be found. I like it when the story has a happy conclusion. You have found a super idea. I'll wait to hear what you write. Have a safe and happy holiday!
Your Friend,
February 13, 2002 Hi Niki, I had fun reading your story map. You've answered a lot of questins and worked out some fine details, but we still don't know what happened to the necklace, or what clues led Morgan, Maria and Niki to find it. Before you write your story you might want to think about these questions:
There are so many different things that could have happened to Morgan's necklace. It could be any one of them. It's your story, so only you know what you want to have happen. But, knowing what happened to the necklace before you begin to write will help you figure out what questions the "detectives" need to ask in order to help them find the necklace. It will also help you know what clues they need to dig up to lead them to it. Your story is a mystery, so you will need to answer all of the five Ws. The five Ws are; Who? What? Where? When? and Why? Knowing the answer to the five Ws before you begin to write will make the actual writing smooth sailing! I will be eagerly waiting to read your exciting mystery story!
Your Friend,
The Lost Necklace It was a Saturday afternoon and Morgan and Maria were playing in Morgan's room. I walked into their room when they were playing with Morgan's jewelry. They were talking about Morgan's favorite necklace that was lost. Morgan was very sad because her grandma gave it to her at Christmas before she died. Morgan loved the necklace because it reminded her of her grandma. "Don't cry, Morgan, we can help you find the necklace." I said. We tried to solve the mystery. Where could the necklace be? We decided to play a detective game. Was the necklace stolen, borrowed,or did Morgan lose it? Maria thought it was stolen. I thought it was borrowed and Morgan thought she lost it. We got a notebook and wrote some clues to help us solve the mystery. The last time Morgan saw the necklace was on Wednesday when she was playing dress up. She was being a princess. She keeps the necklace in her jewelry box which is on her set of shelves in her room.
Clue #1. The jewelry box was on a different shelf. We decided to inteview people who might know what happened to Morgan's necklace. Aunt Mill cleaned Morgan's room and her mom saw Roxy spill the drink. I asked Aunt Mill if she saw the necklace. She said that she didn't see it. I asked her mom if she saw the necklace and she said that all she saw in Morgan's room was a naughty puppy. We asked my sister, Shannon, if she saw the necklace because she went into Morgan's room to get her clothes. She spent the night there on Friday night. Shannon said that she saw the puppy running out of Morgan's room with something in her mouth. I asked Shannon what did she think the puppy had in its mouth. Maybe the puppy took Morgan's necklace! We went back to my house which is right across the street from Morgan and Maria's house. We looked for Roxy to see if she had the necklace. We found Roxy in my mom and dad's room. She was hiding under their bed. She knew she was being naughty. We saw that her paws were muddy. We went outside to see where she was digging. We got three shovels and started digging to see what she buried. While I was digging I heard a noise. My shovel hit something. I thought that maybe it was the necklace. It was! I found Morgan's necklace! Roxy had been pplaying in Morgan's room. When she spilled the drink she ran away quickly and bumped into the jewelry box. All of Morgan's jewelry spilled out of the box and Roxy dug trough it and grabbed the necklace with her teeth. She ran out of the room and across the street to my house. Then she went in the backyard and buried it. Morgan was happy that I found the necklace and we had more fun playing school the rest of the afternoon.
Hi Niki, I liked reading your mystery! You have a lot of good description and details in the story. I just have a few suggestions for you today. I loved the first line of your second paragraph and thought it would be a wonderful way to open your story. Opening a story with someone talking draws the reader right into the story, and this would work especially well with the line you have written. It immediately lets the reader know there is a problem if you open the story with, "Don't cry Morgan. We can help you find our necklace," I said. Then you could continue with your first paragraph. It was Saturday afternoon and Morgan and Maria were playing in Morgan's room. The next suggestion I have is to wait and put the third paragraph, and the list of clues into the story after you have done your interviews. Morgan, Maria, and you, didn't find out about clue # 3 until after you talked to Aunt Mill. Each of the people you interviewed helped you come up with ideas for your list of clues, so it would be better if you had your main characters interview first. The last suggestion I have is to maybe add one line of dialog for each person you interviewed. Like this: First we talked to Aunt Mill. "I cleaned Morgan's room, but I didn't see the necklace," she said. We found Mom doing laundry. She frowned, then said, "Roxy spilled a drink in your room, Morgan. I was too busy cleaning it up to notice whether your necklace was there or not." Shannon said…." The whole scene with Shannon could be done in dialogue, if you like it that way. Doing this will help the reader feel like they are part of the action in the story. It is good when the reader can feel like they are walking alongside the main character, seeing and feeling the same things. It makes the story more exciting! Your story is a strong one with good details. I will be waiting to see your rewrites!
Your Friend, |
||||||||||
|
| home | greetings | new | kids | teachers | visitors | resources |
Patti Weeg March 28, 2002 |
November 16, 2001
