Nicole
Dear Mrs. Lois Szymanski, I love writing. My favorite books are your books. I love kittens and puppies. What kind of books do you like? I like Sea Feather. Oh sorry I forget to tell my name. My name is Nicole. I love Little Blue Eyes, and Hugs and Kisses,and A Perfect Pony. I love the computer. When I grow up I want to be a veterinarian. I hope that I get to see you. I don’t mean to be nosey but where do you live? Now you know what I like. What do you like? I think I would like to write about when I get a kitten.
From,
Dear Nicole, Thank you for writing to me and letting me know a little bit about you! I am looking forward to helping you write your story! We are going to have a fun time together! Sometimes it will seem like work, but I promise that it will be worth it in the end!
I am an animal-lover, just like you! Horses and cats are my favorite animals, so I am glad you will write about your kitten. You asked where I live. I live in Westminster, MD. I have written many stories that have a setting just like Westminster, MD, because it is a place I know and can picture in my mind. What will be the setting for your story? Think about what will happen in your story, and what the setting and characters will look like. I am looking forward to reading more about your story idea. Write back soon, so I can find out more!
Your New Friend,
November 12, 2003
Dear Mrs. Szymanski, Thank you for writing back to me. Yes, I can tell you like orange kittens. My orange cat died. I want my story to be about when I get a kitten. I have two cats at home. Their names are Smack and Squeaky. In my free time I like to walk my puppy. Her name is Shouty. My setting will take place at my house. My characters will be Whitney, Kya, Zack, Gregory, Gerrod, my mom, my aunt, my brothers, and sisters, Linzy, me, Crystal, you, and to rap It all up my pets, and your pets. Thank you so much for writing back to me.
Your Friend,
December 3, 2003 Dear Nicole, Thank you for writing back to me so quickly! I liked hearing the names of your animals. I think Shouty, Smack and Squeaky are funny names! I bet your animals are cute! It is good that you know the topic you will write about. Getting a kitten is an exciting thing. You also know that your setting will be at your house, and that is good to know ahead of time. I am worried because you have named so many characters for your story. It is hard to write a story with many characters. You might want to pick just a few, maybe two, three or four characters for your story. It will be easier to write and easier for your readers to understand the story after you have written it. Now that you have a topic and some characters and a good setting, you need to think about what will happen in your story. This is the plot. A good plot starts with a problem. Maybe your mom is not sure you can have a new kitten, or maybe your kitten is not healthy? Maybe your sister is jealous that you are getting a new kitten, or maybe the new kitten is mean? Maybe the new kitten likes to play and is destroying things in your home. If you play the What-if Game you can come up with lots of ideas for your story plot. Whenever I am writing a story and I get stuck, I play the What-if Game. I ask myself, What if this happens? Will it make my story better? What if that happens? How will it change my story? I bet you can come up with lots of good What-if questions of your own. After you have a problem, you will solve the problem as you write your story. Then, your ending will be good!
Your Friend,
January 6, 2004
Thank you for sending your story web. You did a good job on it. I love kittens and I would be heartbroken if my kitten was lost, so I know your story will be a good one. I do have a few questions for you to think about. Here they are: What is your kitten's name? What does he or she look like? What is the little girl's name? We will need to know a lot about your main characters. Your reader wants to be able to picture the story in his head. I like how your aunt came and others helped to find the cat. Where are some of the places they looked? Was the cat inside or out? How do they find her? Are there any other cats in the house that can give you clues? Or, is there a dog that knows something?
Your Friend,
My Kitten Is Missing "Where is she??? I've looked everywhere. I can't find my kitten. I did not like the bad news. I called my aunt immediately. She said " Are you sure Tigger ran away?" I knew in my heart Tigger had really run away. All day yesterday I saw Tigger looking out the window. She was looking at a strange cat that I had never seen that cat before. I was worried that she would get out. But she had never ever got out before. Ok let's go back to when I woke up. I searched and searched. Later that day, my aunt called me back. She asked " Did you find her. I said, "No I did not find Tigger. Ok lets go back to when I woke up. Don't worry about that. Like I said I went out searing. I asked everybody I knew. And Whitney had seen a kitten. Whitney said, "I saw a cat go toward your tree in your backyard. I RAN TO MY TREE IN MY BACKYARD. I looked up in my favorite tree. I was so excited but she was not there. I was so upset. I went back home and made more pictures. I sat and thought for a second. Shorty my puppy started to bark. I knew she had an idea. Then I took Shorty with me to put the pictures up on the poles. When I saw Whitney again she said," I saw Tigger go toward your house." Shorty we have a lot of work to do. "I thought Shorty knew what I said. WE RUCHED TO ARE BACKYARD. Guess what we had finally found Tigger. She was string in a tree. I climbed up in the tree house and got Tigger out of my tree house. I was never ever happier to see Tigger in my hole life. I took Tigger and Shorty home.
February 11, 2004 Hi Nicole, It was fun reading the first draft of your story! It's exciting watching your story grow from an idea, to a story-web, to a first draft? Sometimes your story changes a lot as it grows from the first idea, to the final draft! It will surprise you. I like the way you opened your story with the question, "Where is she?" You get the reader's attention right away. That kind of opening is called a hook. Your hook is great! It hooks the reader and makes them want to read the rest! That one line should be your first paragraph. I have a few questions. Where were you, when you realized your kitten was missing? I Right after I read, "Where is she?" I wanted to know where you were, so I could picture it all in my mind. Maybe your kitten is always in bed with you when you get up in the morning, except for this time? Maybe you were opening a can of cat food, and your kitten didn't come running, as he usually did? After that wonderful hook line, could you paint a picture (with words) of where you are, what time of day it is, and how you know your kitten is missing? Your second paragraph could begin with that. I liked the line, "I knew in my heart that Tigger had run away." It made me feel sad, and sort of scared, and that made me feel like I was a part of your story. It is good when you tell the reader how you feel. Remember to split your story into different paragraphs. When you remember what happened earlier, you should create a new paragraph. I liked when you wrote, "All day yesterday I saw Tigger looking out the window," but remember to make that a new paragraph. Also make a new paragraph if someone new comes into the story. I like all the paths you traveled to try to find your kitten. You asked your aunt. You asked your friend Whitney if she had seen Tigger. You searched everywhere. You even got your puppy to help you out! This is all good stuff. It would be even better if you described more of it in your story. When you talked to Whitney I wondered whether it was over the phone, or in person? Could you tell me more about it? Here's an example:
I ran next door to my friend, Whitney's house. "Whitney," I called.
"My kitten is missing? Have you seen her?" This is just an example. Maybe you see Whitney on the street and she yells to you, or maybe you run into her at the neighborhood store, or you call her on the phone. However you decide to write it, try to describe it, so I can picture it in my mind as I read. At the end, I wondered if Tigger was huddled in the tree house, frightened, or if she looked happy, like she enjoyed having a tree house of her own? It felt really good to see that you found your kitten, and to see how much you love her! I love a happy ending! You have created a wonderful first draft. I can't wait to see it again. I know this is going to be an awesome story!
Your Friend,
My Kitten Tigger“Where is she??? I was in my kitchen about to feed Tigger last Saturday morning and I realized she wasn’t running into the kitchen when I opened the can of cat food. I looked everywhere but I couldn’t find my sweet, cuddly kitten. I love my kitten so much. I was really upset. I knew she had to be in the house because she is always in my room at night. I live with my aunt so I called her immediately. She said, “Are you sure Tigger ran away?” I knew in my heart Tigger had really run away. All day on Friday I saw Tigger looking out the window. She was looking at a strange cat that I had never seen before. I was worried that she would get out even though she had never ever got out before. I searched all over my house and I looked outside. I think I looked everywhere. Later that day, my aunt called me back. She asked, “Did you find her?” I said, “No, I did not find Tigger and I have looked everywhere and I asked everyone I saw. Whitney thought she saw Tigger in a tree. I ran to my tree in my backyard and looked up hoping she was there in the tree. I was so excited because I knew she would be there. I looked up but my heart was sad when I saw that she was not there. I was so upset. I went back home and made posters of my kitten to put in our neighborhood. I sat and thought for a second. Shorty my puppy started to bark. I knew she had an idea. I just sat in my favorite chair and Shorty jumped up in my lap to comfort me, Then I took Shorty with me to put the pictures of my cat up on the poles. When I saw Whitney again she said, “ I saw Tigger go toward your house.” I looked at Shorty and thought in my mind, “Shorty, we have a lot of work to do.” I wanted Shorty to go with me. She looked at me and I knew that she understood what I was thinking. We rushed to our backyard. She was not there. I picked up Shorty and started to cry. I said, “I am not a good pet owner.” Shorty looked at me and saw my tears. I thought she was saying that I am a good pet owner because she is my pet too. I said, “I must not give up I love my Tigger so I will keep looking.” Then I looked out the window to look out in my tree with Shorty. And guess what I finally found her in another tree. I ran outside to get her. I was never happier to see her. I told her I love you. We ran inside and played the rast of the day. All my pets went to bed with me and when I wulk up. I had all my pets in my bed I was so proud of myself. That day we played the wrist of the day. We lived happily ever after. The End
April 20, 2004 Hi Nicole, I had fun reading your story rewrite. You have worked hard! I like the way you started your story. The first time I'd notice if my cat was missing would be if he didn't come at feeding time, so that was a good place to start. I have a few things I thought you could work on to make your story even better. When you say, "I looked everywhere," can you show me where? Maybe you could say, I ran into the living room calling, "kitty, kitty". Or maybe you ran upstairs to look, or lifted the bedspread and looked underneath your bed. It would be good to see where you looked for your kitten. Whenever the reader can picture the story it is a good thing. I like the way you got your Aunt to help you out. That adds another character and spices the story up. Maybe you could use her name though. That would make her seem more real. I also liked the way you went out putting signs up on poles, with your dog, Shorty. I could imagine that happening. It would be more interesting if you could add a little description to liven the story up, too. What does Tigger look like? Maybe you could say, "I looked at the posters with Tigger's picture on it." and then add some description there, so the reader knows what the kitty looks like. What does your aunt look like? How does her voice sound on the phone? Maybe you could say something like, "Are you sure Tigger ran away?" Aunt _________'s voice sounded worried, or something like that. A few more details and description would be a nice addition to this good story. Also, remember to break your story up into paragraphs. Whenever someone new speaks or thinks, or something new is happening in your story, make sure you start another paragraph. I like the end of your story a lot. I like happy endings the best! I will be looking forward to seeing your story again! I thought of my kitties as I read your story, and I know how my heart would ache if one of them was lost. Write back, soon!
Your Friend, |
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Patti Weeg May 22, 2004 |
November 4, 2003
November 10, 2003
I just got a new kitten a few months ago. Here is a picture of my three cats. They are named
Casey, Zachary, and Oliver. Can you tell that I love orange kittens? Now, I bet you can guess the answer to your question about what kind of books I like. Books about animals are my favorite books, but I like mysteries a lot, too.
I can't wait to hear more about the story of your new kitten. Cats are so much fun, and I love reading about them! Write back soon, so I can learn more about your story!
How did you like your holiday at home? I loved having some time off work, and I bet you enjoyed being away from school for awhile! Did you get a chance to do any reading or writing? I did, and that was the best part for me!
I am looking forward to reading the first draft of your story! Write back soon!