Megan

November 11, 2005

Dear Mrs. Szymanski,

Hi my name is Megan I am 10 years old going on 11. I like sports like basketball. I love my joke books. They make me and my friends laugh. I want to write a story about me and my family going on a Florida cruise.

Your truly friend,
Megan

Mrs. Szymanski's reply

November 28, 2005

Hi Megan,

Thank you for writing to me, and letting me get to know you! I hope to meet you face to face at the end of the school year.

I'm happy to hear that you like sports. Sports are a good way to have fun and stay young and in shape! Basketball takes a lot of concentration, too, just like writing a book.

I am happy to hear that you will write about something from your own life. When you write about the things you know about, and about people you love, the writing is always the best because it comes from your heart. I am excited that I will find out more about your trip to Florida. I haven't been to Florida in 25years!

Think about what will happen in your story. There has to be a problem, or a conflict in the beginning. The problem will be solved by the end of the story. Maybe your family gets lost. Maybe you are afraid to get on one of the rides. Maybe a dog chases you, or you find a lost child at Disneyworld. Remember that your story doesn't have to be completely true. You can change the real story to make it more exciting.

I bet your story will have some funny parts in it. If you like to read joke books you probably like to have fun. Fun people always write fun stories, and fun stories are the best kind to read!

Writing a story with you will be fun and I am looking forward to it.

Your friend,
:>)
Lois Szymanski

Megan's story map

Mrs. Szymanski's comments

January 22, 2006

Hi Megan,

I like your story map! Your setting is a good one. When you write about things you know your write realistically, and I know you are familiar with the classroom!

I love the way you picked a problem that so many kids have! Your solution is a good one, too. You also were smart to keep your story to 4 characters. It gets confusing when there are too many characters in a short story.

The next step is to think about your plot, that is, what will actually happen in the story. Ask yourself, what will happen in your story? Will someone approach you at your desk, or will you approach someone in the class? Or will a class discussion spark a friendship? A good way to help develop your story is to play the What-if game.

When I play the "What-If" game I ask myself lots of questions to figure out what would make the best story. I'd ask myself, "What if I dropped something on the floor and it rolled into Kelsie's desk behind me? What would Kelsie say? Or, what if the class had a discussion on my favorite book and I found out it was McKenzie's favorite book too? What if someone smiled at me and I smiled back? Play the What-if game with lots of questions and find out what would happen if other things happened instead. Then, you can decide which of them would make a better story! By playing the What-if game, you can come up with lots of ideas of how to write your plot!

I like the solution, because making new friends is a happy ever-after ending. That's my favorite kind!

Now it's time to start writing your story. I can't wait to read more!

Your Friend,
:>)
Lois Szymanski

Megan's first draft

My First Day in Third Grade

"Megan, wake up, wake up! It's time to get ready for school."

I heard mom calling me but I pulled the covers over my head. I dreaded going to a new school. I was afraid that people would make fun of me. When I got there I was biting my finger nails and I still do. My teacher, named Mrs. Rockwell, met me at the door and said, "Welcome to our class. Take a seat by Group One please," she said. So I started walking and the kids in Group one waved to me and said,

"Over here Megan."

Then the teacher said, "Can you introduce yourself to your classmates?" My teacher was so nice she made me comfortable in my new school.

A few minutes later the bell rang for recess. We went out to the school yard and I played on the jungle gym. Ashiona came over and said, "You want to play with me?" We went to the slide and played tag. Then something bad happen. Some girls came over named Shaleena, Shakyra, and Alicia. They said, "Look, it's the new kid." They had their hands on their hips. The reason why they were mean to me was because I was new.

Ashiona said, "Leave us alone. You're just trying to start trouble."

Then Shakyra said, "Be quiet, Ashiona, we were not talking to you. We were talking to the new kid."

Then Ashiona went to tell the teacher that they wouldn't leave us alone. They were threatening us just then it was time to line up. They said they were going to call me names and talk about me.

Recess ended and we got in line to go back to class. I stood near my new friends, Ashiona and Jasmine, as we walked back to class. In my third grade class room I was shy and nervous but I met more new friends, Mackenzie and Kelsie. My friends made me feel comfortable by taking up for me and being my friend and so did my teacher at my new school. I had the best day ever.

Mrs. Szymanski's comments

Hi Megan,

You have done a great job on your first draft! I like the way you started your story in the middle of something, and I like the way you pulled the covers over your head because you dreaded a new day at a new school!

Maybe in the beginning you could move the part about biting your nails to after you sit down at your desk. Start a new paragraph when you say, My teacher, Mrs. Rockwell met me at the door and said, "Welcome to our class. Take a seat by Group One, please."

After the friends call Megan over and she sits down, you could start a new paragraph with, "I sat at my desk, biting my nails." That way, the reader will know you are still worried about the day because you are biting your nails. I like that you added that into the story because your characters actions say as much as their words!

You don't have to say, Then something bad happened when you are on the playground with your new friends and the troublemakers show up. Instead of telling the reader something bad is going to happen, show them by letting them watch it unfold. Start a new paragraph when you say, "Look, it's the new kid!"

I like it that the troublemakers have their hands on their hips. You are doing a good job of showing how your characters feel by using body language, showing how they feel through the things they do..

Maybe you could add a little bit of dialog. That means, you have your characters talk. Maybe one of the bullies could say, "Who do you think you are? We don't know you and we don't like you, or something like that. I am sure you will think of an even better line. Then we can hear Ashiona and Shira take up for you. I like how Ashiona and Shira take up for you!

I like that you ended your story with a happy scene. Maybe you could have her thinking something, or saying something to her mom or her friends, something that sums up the day. She could say, "There were some rough spots in my day, but I made new friends and that made it all okay," or something like that. I'd like it best if you come up with a better line all your own.

You did a great job on your story. You started with a conflict. We know your character is worrying over something. You had tension with the bullies, and a clilmax in the middle, when we worry if your main character will be okay, and you have a very nice happy-ever-after conclusion at the end of your story. What a super first draft! I can't wait to see you rewrite!

Hope you are enjoying these pretty spring days!

Your Friend,
:>)
Lois Szymanski

Megan's final draft

My First Day in Third Grade

"Megan, wake up, wake up! It's time to get ready for school."

I heard mom calling me but I pulled the covers over my head. I dreaded going to a new school. I was afraid that people would make fun of me.

My teacher, named Mrs. Rockwell, met me at the door and said, "Welcome to our class, Megan. Take a seat by Group One please," As I started walking, the kids in Group one waved to me. "This won't be so bad," I thought.

I sat down with Group One and even though they looked nice and smiled at me, I sat at my desk biting my finger nails. It's something I still do when I am nervous!

Then Mrs. Rockwell "Megan," would you introduce yourself to your classmates?" My teacher was so nice. She made me comfortable in my new school. So I stood up and said, I'm Megan and I came from East Salisbury school.

A few minutes later the bell rang for recess. We went out to the school yard and I played on the jungle gym. Ashiona a new friend in group one came over and said, "You want to play with me?" I smiled and said ," sure!". Ashoina and I had fun crawling all over the jungle gym and sliding down the sliding board .Then I looked up and saw some girls coming over named Shaleena, Shakyra, and Alicia.

"Look, it's the new kid!" they shouted. They had their hands on their hips. Uh oh, I got a sick feeling inside my tummy. They didn't sound really friendly to me. The reason why they were mean to me was because I was new. There was no reason for them to be mean to me. I didn't do any thing to them. I couldn't understand it.

Alicia rolled her eyes and her head and asked," Who do you think you are? We don't like new kids. People will always be like cool look there's a new kid.

Ashiona stood up for me and said, "Leave us alone. You're just trying to start trouble." Then Shakyra said, "Be quiet, Ashiona. We were not talking to you. We were talking to the new kid."

Then Ashiona went back to our classroom to tell the teacher that they wouldn't leave us alone. They were threatening us. They said they were going to call me names and talk about me.Just then it was time to line up.

Recess was over and we got in line to go back to class. I stood near my new friends, Ashiona and Jasmine, as we walked back to class. In my third grade classroom I was shy and nervous but I met more new friends, Mackenzie and Kelsie.

When I got home after school I walked in the door and hugged my mom.

"I had a good day at school even though some girls where mean to me at recess. My new friends made me feel comfortable by taking up for me and being my friend. My teacher was kind to me today. I'm looking forward to going back tomorrow. Being a new kid isn't that hard for me."

Patti Weeg
pweeg@comcast.net

April 30, 2006