Scotty Wins

By: Kya

Today is the big day! Kya had been waiting for the big soccer game. Whitney and Nicole had just come over to visit Kya and the three girls were talking about the game between the Panthers, and the Sea Kings. Everybody at school had been talking about it, too. Whitney, Nicole and Kya's dog, Scotty, were looking at the news on T.V. The news said that it was going to rain. Whitney felt sad because she thought the game would be canceled.

Kya was getting ready for the soccer game. She was dressed in her uniform and looking for her soccer shoes. Scotty was ready for the game. He barked to let her know he wanted to go. Kya said, "Not yet, Scotty. The game isn't until 3:00."

Whitney said, "Kya, I have some bad and good news."

Kya said, "What's wrong? "

"The bad news," Whitney sighed, "is that it is going to rain."

"R_A_I_N!" said Kya. That was the last thing she wanted to hear. "But the good news is that it is going to rain later this evening," Whitney said. "I hope we can play our game before the rain starts."

Kya said, "The game starts at 3:00 and will end around 5:30. We'll have a lot of time before it starts to rain. Are you ready Whitney?"

Kya's friend, Nicole, called Kya when they were getting ready to leave. Nicole said, "Kya, I decided to walk to the game because I do not live too far away from the soccer field. I'll meet you there, goodbye." Kya's mom was outside, so Kya told her mom that she didn't have to stop by Nicole's house. Kya, Scotty, and Whitney got into the car and off they went to the field. When Scotty got out of the car he was happy because he loves to play soccer. Nicole said, "Good luck!" as she watched us head out to the field.

The game began. When our best player got hurt. She twisted her ankle. It was very serious and she couldn't play the rest of the game. The team was worried about her and how the game would end. The coach looked around for someone to take her place. We had no extra players. The coach was desperate. She didn't want us to lose the game. Suddenly Scotty barked and the coach turned. She looked at me and said, "Kya, I've heard all about your dog. He's a great soccer player everyone says. Could he help us out tonight?" The team looked at each other and at Scotty and they said, "Huh?" They didn't think that a dog could play soccer.

Scotty ran out to the field and everyone in the crowd cheered. They knew he would save the game for us. Sure enough, in the last quarter Scotty stole the ball from the Sea Kings best player and ran with it all the way to the goal. He pushed it with his nose and into the net. It went right past the goalie! The score was 5 to 6 and our team won. Scotty saved the day! Kya and Nicole picked up Scotty and started to cheer for him.

Soon after the game was over and everyone was leaving, it started to rain. Kya and Whitney looked at each other and smiled. The game was over in time.

Hi Kya,

I enjoyed reading your final draft! I like the way you mixed dialog, thoughts, and feelings with physical descriptions to make your story shine! It was also fun to see how you made the reader worry about rain canceling the game at the same time you told Scotty's story!

I like the way you had Scotty anxious to go to the game in the beginning. You let the reader in on a small clue… that Scotty likes Soccer! You started out with that in the beginning, along with the worry of rain. The end of your story wrapped up all the loose ends, showing how Scotty got to play and save the day, and the rain held off for the girls. Like a weaver, you wove all the threads you needed into your story, bringing it to life.

It was neat that you made Scotty bark so the coach would turn and see him. What a great way to jog the coach into thinking about Scotty! The description of how the team cheered when he ran onto the field was nice, and I especially liked reading how he pushed the ball with his nose to score a goal!

When you read your story, you should be very proud. You worked hard and you have done a great job! I am looking forward to meeting you soon!

Your Friend,
Lois Szymanski

Patti Weeg
pweeg@comcast.net

May 22, 2004