Kristina
November 11, 2005 Dear Mrs. Szymanski, Hi my name is Kristina and I am 9 and I'm about to turn 9 ½ on the 14th. I like to play with my half cousin. My favorite books are the Junie B. Jones series. I would like to write a story about Junie B. Jones.
Your friend,
November 28, 2005 Hi Kristina, Thank you for writing to me. I know we will have fun getting to know each other through our emails, and writing a story together. I hope to meet you for real when I come to visit at the end of the school year. I like the Junie B. Jones series books, too. They are a lot of fun to read. It will be fun getting to read your story and seeing how it is different from the Junie B. Jones books. Remember to make sure your story is different. It has to be truly your own story. Imitating another author is a great way to learn about writing, but you have to make the story all your own. What will happen in your story? Good stories always start with a conflict or a problem. I bet you noticed that when you read a Junie B. Jones book. By the end of the story the problem is solved. What kind of a problem will your main character have to solve? A story web will help you plan your story out. That always makes it easier to write. I know you will have fun writing your story. Reading and writing stories is the best! I look forward to getting another letter from you and watching your story grow!
Your friend,
January 22, 2006 Hi Kristina, I like your story map. You put a lot of detail in the planning! You told me your setting would be in the fall, and in the school. That gave me a very good picture of where your story will take place. Good job! I like your problem, too. It is hard to understand when people are mean to you, so it is a good topic for you to write about. As you plan what will happen in your story (your story plot) you will need to think of specific things the classmates do that are not nice. To help you come up with ideas, you might want to play the What-if game. I play the What-if game every time I write a story. It helps me come up with lots of ideas of what could happen in my story. Then I can decide which to use, the ones will make my story the best. To play the What-if game, ask yourself what would happen if different things happened in the story. Maybe Jim kicks Junie B's chair every day, making it hard for her to write straight. What would the teacher think when she sees Junie's papers written with shaky letters? What if Crybaby Ollie teases Junie B on the playground every day, or his friends trip her and make fun of her? What if they take something from her? What if she tells her parents and they don't understand? What are some other ideas you can come up with to play the What-if game? Think of what would happen in each case, and choose the idea that makes your story's plot the best! Now it is time to start writing your first draft. While you are writing, think about how Junie feels inside. That is just as important as what is happening. I love happy endings. I can't wait to read yours!
Your Friend,
Casey L. Jones It's Unfairby KristinaSaturday afternoon Casey L. Jones was crying when her grandpa Frank Miller was babysitting her and her baby brother Ollie. Her grandpa was feeding her baby brother mashed sweet potatoes. She was crying because her grandpa said hi to her brother but not her. She felt very sad. On Sunday when her parents didn't have work, Casey L. asked her parents something but they were too busy playing with her baby brother to answer her. And Casey L. Jones felt unhappy. On Monday, when she had school in the afternoon, her friend, That Emily, didn't want her to sit with her on the bus. They had an argument because of something that Dylan said. Casey L. Jones said, "But we're best friends." That Emily said, "Dylan told me when that everyone's not looking, you hit people in the back of the head. A friend of mine wouldn't do that." Casey L. Jones insisted that she doesn't do these things. Casey L. Jones is honest but That Emily didn't believe her. Dylan also said, "You spit in peoples hair. Casey couldn't believe what she heard! "I would never do such a thing! How could you believe it?" Dylan is making up stories about me. I'm really upset. Casey put her hand to her eye to wipe away a tear. That Emily said, "I don't believe you." "Ok, if you don't believe me then how about you spend the night on Friday and ask my parents?" said Casey. "Ok, then I will, but ask your mom and dad and I will ask my mom and dad," said Emily. "Ok, then. It is a deal but I'm still not your friend," said Emily. When Casey got to school Dylan said, "Hi." Casey L. Jones said, "You're not telling the truth and now Emily doesn't want to be my friend." Dylan looked away and said, "I never said those things about you, Casey." Casey was really confused. She didn't know who to believe. She was very upset and told the teacher. After recess Dylan, Casey L. Jones, and Angel were arguing in the classroom. Casey began to yell. Mrs. came over and took Casey L. Jones to the principal's office. Casey L. Jones told her story and the principal came back to the classroom. He took the group, Dylan, Casey L. Jones, and Angel, and told them, "If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all." The principal told everyone to apologize to each other which they did. They went back to the classroom and they were nice to each other and were best friends again. Casey went home and she asked her parents, "Can you pay as much attention to me as much as cry baby Ollie?" Her mom said, "On one condition, don't call your brother cry baby Ollie, call him Ollie." Casey L. Jones said, "OK." "We are very sorry that you think we pay more attention to Ollie than to you," said her dad. Then her grandpa, Don Wilson, and her grandma, Barb Wilson, and Casey L. Jones asked her Grandpa Don Wilson and Grandma Barb Wilson the same question. They also said they were sorry. Casey L. Jones was very happy at the end.
Hi Kristina, I enjoyed reading the first draft of your story! I like the way you opened the story with a problem. We know that Casey's feeling are hurt and she is feeling sad. It would be even better if you opened with dialog. Maybe Grandpa could say, "Hello little Ollie!" and Casey could look up, wondering why he didn't say hello to her. When your characters talk it makes the reader feel like they are in the middle of the story. Writers always say, "Show us the story. Don't tell it to us." When your characters talk it makes the story come to life and we feel like you are showing us your day, instead of telling us what happened. In paragraph two you might have Casey speak. What did she ask her parents? Did she ask them if she could go outside to play, or did she ask them if she could have a snack? Whatever it is, maybe she could actually ask it in the story. That would make your story sparkle! I like it that Casey has an argument with her friend on the bus. It makes the reader see how everything is going wrong in her life and it makes us feel bad for her. It's really neat that they are talking to each other. You did a good job on that scene. You could skip the part that tells us she has an argument though, and just have the argument happen. Start with the line that says, "Dylan told me when everyone is not looking you hit people in the back of the head." Don't forget to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks. I like it when Emily puts a hand to her eye to wipe away a tear. You are showing us how your character feels without saying it, and that is cool! I like how your next paragraphs carry the story with lots of dialog. You just have to make sure you make a new paragraph when each person speaks. You did a great job with using action in your story and you have a great ending! I can't wait to read your next draft! I hope you are enjoying these Beautiful warm spring days!
Your Friend,
Casey L. Jones It's UnfairBy: Kristina"Hello, little Ollie!" Casey's Grandpa smiled as he picked Ollie up into the air. Ollie squealed because he loved it when Grandpa did that! But Casey wasn't smiling. She was wondering why he didn't say hello to her when he arrived to baby-sit her and her little brother. At lunch time, Casey L. Jones was crying because Grandpa Don was giving more attention to her baby brother Ollie than to her. Grandpa was feeding her baby brother mashed sweet potatoes. "I wish Grandpa would play with me like he plays with Ollie." She thought. On Sunday afternoon when the whole family was home, Casey L. asked her parents something but they were too busy playing with her baby brother to answer her. "Mom, can I call Aunt Christy to see if she would come over?" Her mom didn't answer Casey. She was too busy laughing and playing with her baby brother Ollie. "Why is everyone ignoring me?" sighed Casey. On her way to school on Monday, her friend, That Emily, didn't want her to sit with her on the bus. That Emily said, "Dylan told me that when everyone's not looking, you hit people in the back of the head. A friend of mine wouldn't do that. Dylan also said that you spit in people's hair." Casey couldn't believe what she heard! "I would never do such a thing! How could you believe it? Dylan is making up stories about me. I'm really upset." Casey Is honest is honest but That Emily didn't believe her. Casey put her hand to her eye to wipe away a tear. That Emily said, "I want to believe you, Casey, but Dylan has no reason to lie," When Casey got to school she saw Dylan and decided to find out why he was telling lies about her. Casey L. Jones said, "You're not telling the truth and now Emily doesn't want to be my friend." Dylan looked away and said, "I never said those things about you, Casey." Casey was really confused. She didn't know who to believe. She was very upset and told the teacher. After recess Dylan, Casey L. Jones, and That Emily were arguing in the classroom. Casey began to yell. Mrs. came over and took Casey L. Jones to the principal's office. Casey L. Jones told her story and the principal came back to the classroom. He took the group, Dylan, Casey L. Jones, and That Emily, and told them, "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all." The principal told everyone to apologize to each other which they did. They went back to the classroom and they were nice to each other and were best friends again. Casey went home and she asked her parents, "Can you pay as much attention to me as much as cry baby Ollie?" Her mom said, "On one condition, don't call your brother cry baby Ollie, call him Ollie." Casey L. Jones said, "OK." "We are very sorry that you think we pay more attention to Ollie than to you," said her dad. Then her grandpa, Don Wilson, and her grandma, Barb Wilson, and Casey L. Jones asked her Grandpa Don Wilson and Grandma Barb Wilson the same question. They also said they were sorry. Casey L. Jones was very happy at the end of the story!
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