Gerrod
Dear Mrs. Lois Szymanski, My name is Gerrod. I have a dog. My favorite thing to do is play football. I have three of your books. Their names are Sea Feather, Little Blue Eyes, and Gettysburg Ghost Gang. I have four sister and no brothers. I like to draw and write too.
From,
Hi Gerrod,
Thank you for your letter. It is good to know a little about you and what you like. It's good to hear that you have a few of my books. I am looking forward to working with you on your story. I am glad that you like to write. That will help you stick to your story! Do you have any ideas about what you will write? Do you think that you might like to write a story about your dog? Maybe you will write about football, because you like it? Or maybe you will write about your dog, but a football game will be part of the story? When you think about what you will write, think about the things you know about and the things you love. If you write about things you know and love your writing will come from the heart and your readers will know it is important to you. I started out writing about horses, because they are one of my favorite animals. One day, I think I will write a story about a cat, because I love cats, too! One of the things you will need to think about when you plan your story is the setting. Where will your story take place? You will need to be able to picture it in your mind, so you can describe it in your story. Then you readers will be able to see it in their minds. You also want to think about the characters in your story. What do they look like, how do they act, and what do they want to happen in the story? Now that I have given you some things to think about, I will go. But I will look forward to hearing from you, soon. I can't wait to hear about the story you will write!
Your New Friend,
Hi Mrs. Szymanski, No, I did not know Sea Feather was a real pony. I just thought of a story. I’m going to write about a dog playing football. The story is going to take place at a football field. The characters will be a dog named Lucky and two boys named Gerrod and Zach. The story is about a dog that can play football.
From Your Friend,
December 3, 2003 Dear Gerrod, Thank you for sending me your story idea. I like the name Lucky for a dog! I know a Chincoteague Pony named Lucky! His story will be on Animal Planet on December 30th! Lucky is a good name! I once saw a dog playing soccer on the David Letterman show, so I think it will be cool to have a story about a dog playing football! It's good to hear that you know a little about the plot for your story. (The plot is what will happen in the story). You also have chosen your characters, Gerrod, Zach, and Lucky. I am glad you only have three characters. It makes it easier to write when you don't have too many characters. You even have your setting, the football field! Now you have to ask yourself a lot of questions, so you can decide what will happen in your story. How do the boys discover that Lucky can play ball? Whose dog is Lucky? How do the other players on the team act when they see a dog playing football? Is he allowed to play on the team? Does he save the day, or does he cause a lot of trouble? To come up with more ideas, you can play the What-if Game. I play this game every time I get stuck with one of my stories, and I am not sure which way to go with it. I ask myself, What if this happens? How will it change my story? What if that happens? Where will my story go? You could ask yourself; What if Lucky's tooth punctures the ball and it goes flat? What if he runs away with the ball? What if the other team makes fun of the dog-player? What if Gerrod gets hurt in the game? Will Lucky come to his rescue. What if Zach can't get low enough to scoop up the ball? Will Lucky swoop in between the other player's legs, get the ball and run for the touchdown? What if the Ref says, "No dogs in the game!"? What if your quarterback is allergic to dogs? I bet you can think up some What-if questions of your own. Then, you can pick the one!
Your Friend,
Dear Gerrod, How was your holiday break? It's nice to have some time off work and school, isn't it? I hope you had a good time while school was out. Thank you for your beautiful story web! You have a great idea developing on paper, and I like the way you mapped everything out. Now it is time to start writing your story! Here are some questions to think about as you write: How will your story open? It is always good to open a story with a problem. Maybe you can open the story in the middle of the game, with Zach getting hurt? That would be a big problem, for sure! Is Lucky already an accepted member of the team, or does the team discover he can play after Zach gets hurt? What do your teammates think of a dog playing ball? Does the other team accept a dog playing football? Do they get angry, or do they laugh at your team?
Your story is going to be a lot of fun. I can't wait to read your first draft, so write back soon!
Your Friend,
The Football Dog One day Gerrod walked home from high school he went through the back gate he saw his dog Lucky, playing football. He went to go get his mom she came but Lucky, was wagging has tail by the football. Gerrod knew he wasn't dreaming. So on Saturday Gerrod was watching Lucky, then Lucky, was just wagging has tail. So Gerrod just went to his football game. When Gerrod got there he said, "Hi! To one of his friends on his team named Zachary. We started the football game. We won but Zachary got tackled and broke his leg. Know we needed a quarterback. So Gerrod went to his coach and said, "My dog can play football. But every body started laughing. Gerrod didn't care about what they said. He still knew that Lucky can play football. The next day Gerrod invited every body to walk home with him. They opened the back gate and there they saw Lucky playing football. Every body dropped there mouths open. The coach asked Gerrod could Lucky be on the football team, Gerrod said, yes! When it was time for football practice Lucky started to catch the ball and run it. The coach said, "Way doesn't Lucky be the quarterback that's a deal every body said. The next day it was time for the football game. This game will tell who will be in the championship. The Referee John didn't care about Lucky playing football because he didn't know that dogs can play football started the game the coach put Lucky in the game at the game. Lucky got the he ran touch down. Soon the game was over we went out for pizza. The next day it was our last game. But we were still in the championship. Gerrod and Lucky went to the championship we started the game the New York team got the first point. Then we came back and got 28 points. The New York coach got mad and put in a good football player named Joshua. He could play any place especially a quarterback. He was the hardest player to stop. The Delmar coach put in Lucky. He had a game face on. Lucky started to ran after Joshua. Joshua was so good that he made his team caught up with our score. We had 1 more minute the other team was ready to score. A kid was ready to through the ball to Joshua then Lucky jumped and caught the ball and ran for the touchdown. Then all the kids were running after Lucky and a kid jumped on Lucky. Every body thought the game was done then we heard Lucky barking and looked at the touchdown goal and every body cherred.
February 11, 2004 Hi Gerrod, It was exciting to read the first draft of your story! I love an original idea, and picturing your dog, Lucky playing football was a lot of fun! I can only imagine what Gerrod thought when he saw Lucky playing football! I have a few suggestions for your story. Mostly, I'd like to see a little more description, and hear more about how Gerrod feels as the story unfolds. I wondered if you could open your story with a line that lets us know how Gerrod must have felt when he realized his dog could play football? Here are some examples, (but I know you can come up with something better). Gerrod could hardly believe it when he saw his dog, Lucky, playing football! Gerrod went through the back gate of his house and stopped dead. His dog, Lucky was playing football! This can't be, he thought, rubbing his eyes. Dogs can't play football! But it was true! What does Gerrod think when Zachary gets tackled and breaks his leg? Is he worried about his friend, as well as the game? Does he run out on the field to be at his side? Does the coach go onto the field and come back looking worried? A broken leg is very serious. Did they carry Zachary off the field on a stretcher? Was he crying, or did he smile through his pain and tell everyone on the team to win it for him? Try to add an extra scene about his broken leg, so we know the team is worried about him. I like it when everyone laughed at Gerrod because he thinks his dog can play ball. And I especially liked it that he didn't care that they were laughing! It was really good when they saw Lucky playing in the back yard and their mouths dropped open! Those kind of details really help the story seem real! You did a great job on those parts. Just adding those little details to your story will make a good story even better. Don't forget to use a different paragraph each time someone new talks, or has an idea. Your ending is perfect. I can picture Lucky making a goal and winning the game. I guess that makes Lucky and Gerrod both heroes! I will look forward to seeing the next draft of your story. You are doing a great job!
Your Friend,
April 7, 2004
The Football DogOn Friday as Gerrod was coming home from high school, he went through the back gate of his house and stopped dead in his tracks. This can’t be, he thought, rubbing his eyes. His dog, Lucky, was playing football in his backyard! Dogs can’t play football! But it was true. He went inside the house to tell his mom who was cooking his favorite taco dinner. She came out of the house with a tomato in her hand to see for herself. When she got outside Lucky wasn’t playing football at all. Instead, Lucky was sitting by the football just wagging his tail. Gerrod could almost see a little smile on his frisky and furry face. Gerrod was thinking, Lucky, why did you stop? Then she said, “ Gerrod, don’t tell fibs. Dogs can’t play football.” His mom went back into the kitchen. Gerrod knew he wasn’t dreaming. He wished he could make his mom believe. Saturday came and it was time for Gerrod’s football game. Gerrod gathered his uniform, helmet and pads and went to his football game. He saw Lucky out in the yard and said to the dog as he walked through the gate and started down the sidewalk, “ I wish you could play with us today. You’re really fast.” When Gerrod got there, he said, “Hi!” to one of his friends on his team named Zachary. The football game began. Gerrod ’s team won but Zachary got tackled and broke his leg. The team was desperate. They needed a quarterback. Gerrod went to his coach and said, “My dog can play football.” Everybody started laughing. Gerrod didn’t care about what they said. He still knew that Lucky could play football. The game ended and Gerrod ‘s team lost. The next day Gerrod invited every body to walk home with him. They opened the back gate and there they saw Lucky playing football. Every body dropped their mouths open. The coach asked Gerrod if Lucky could be on the football team. Gerrod said, “Yes!” When it was time for football practice, Lucky started to catch the ball and run it. The whole team cheered! Now they believed. The coach said, “Why doesn’t Lucky be our quarterback”? “That’s a deal,” everybody said. The next day arrived and it was time for the football game. This game would tell who would be in the championship. The Referee, Josh, didn’t care about Lucky playing football because he didn’t know that dogs can play football. The game started and the coach put Lucky in the game. Lucky got the ball and he ran a touch down. Soon the game was over we went out for pizza. The next day it was our last game and we were still in the championship. Gerrod and Lucky went to the championship game. They started the game and New York team got the first point. Then Gerrod’s team came back and got 28 points. The New York coach was not happy at all and he put in a good football player named Joshua. He could play any position especially qarterback. He was the hardest player to stop. The Delmar coach put in Lucky. Lucky had his game face on. He started to run after Joshua. Joshua was so good that he made his team catch up with our score. Gerrod’s team had one more minute and the New York team was ready to score. One of their players was ready to throw the ball to Joshua when all a sudden Lucky jumped and caught the ball and ran for the touchdown! What a sight! The crowd cheered! Then all the kids were running after Lucky and a kid tried to jump on Lucky. Every body thought the game was done. Then we heard Lucky barking and looked at the touchdown goal and every body cheered. Lucky made a touchdown. Gerrod was very happy and he ran to Lucky to give him a hug.
April 20, 2004 Hi Gerrod, Thank you for sending me your story rewrite. You have been working hard on it! I think the first sentence is a wonderful way to start your story! You got my attention right away. The way you worded it was the best. When you said, "he went through the back gate of his house and stopped dead in his tracks," I knew he must have seen something strange! On thing I noticed is that you didn't break the story into paragrapsh each time someone new was talking, or thinking. Remember to break up your story into many paragraphs. Whenever something new is happening you need to make a new paragraph, too. Here are a few examples. Make a new paragraph when he thinks, "This can't be." Because someone new is thinking. Make a new paragraph when, "Gerrod went inside the house to tell his mom," because he is doing something new, and "When we got outside," because you are going somewhere new again. (Use the word we because you both went outside.) I liked the details you added. Knowing what Mom was cooking made it easy to picture in my mind as I was reading. When she came out with a tomato in her hand, I could see it like a movie! I also loved that great line, "Gerrod could almost see a smile on his frisky and furry little face." What wonderful detail! When you wrote, "Everybody started laughing. Gerrod didn't care about what they said. He knew that Lucky could play football," I was smiling away at my desk. That is such a wonderful thing to put into your story. He believes in his dog, and in his self. I liked the way everyone discovered that his dog could play ball. It was written well. There is just one line that is awkward. Instead of "Everyone dropped their mouths open," maybe you could say, "Everyone's mouth dropped open." Another super-good line in your story was, "Lucky had his game face on." Wow! I loved that line! The details in your story make it great. I also was very happy with your ending. Gerrod ran to his dog and gave him a hug, and that is a perfect way to end the story. You are very close to being finished. If you can fix these few things, your story will be complete. I can't wait to see the picture you will draw to go with it!
Your Friend, |
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Patti Weeg May 22, 2004 |
November 4, 2003
November 10, 2003
I hope you like them. Did you know that Sea Feather is a true story about a real pony? Here is a picture of the real Sea Feather.
November 17, 2003
Now that you have so much to think about, I will sign off. I am looking forward to hearing more about Lucky and the game, so write back soon!
How will Lucky carry the ball? Can he hold a football in his mouth?