David
My name is David. My family members are: Corey, Chris, Amy, Davie, Me, Aunt Debbie, Uncle Ronnie. My hobbies are pokamon cards, baseball cards. I don't like to read. I like to go to movies. I'm a good baseball player.
Your friend,
I was happy to get your letter, and to read about your family and the things you like to do. By the time I come to visit you in the Spring, we will feel like we know one another! I don't know much about Pokemon cards, but I used to collect baseball cards when I was younger. Baseball is my favorite ball game. I bet you are good at baseball. What position do you most like to play? Are you starting to think about what you will write your story about? Will you write a story about baseball? That would be great. When I think about baseball, I can smell the fresh cut grass, the hotdogs and popcorn. I can hear the crack of the bat on the ball, and the cheering crowds. Now, you made me wish I was at a baseball game! Writing stories can seem like work, but it is really fun if you do it the right way. Writing a story about something you know and love will make your story more exciting to write, and it will not seem like work at all! After you come up with a great idea, you get to use your imagination to make it into the best story you can tell. It doesn't have to be true, so your character can do all the things you wish you could do! Then comes re-writing. That's the part some people call work. Sometimes I rewrite a story ten or twelve times before I think it is good enough to finish. But, coming up with new ways to make a story sound better is fun, too! I will be looking forward to hearing from you, and especially to reading the story you write! Have fun!
Your Friend,
Hear are some of my ideas for my story:
I am writting about myself.
Your Friend,
November 29, 2001 It's good to hear from you. I don't collect baseball cards anymore. Now I collect autographed books! But I remember loving base- ball cards when I was younger. They used to come in packs with bubblegum! I just see one story idea in your letter. Will your story be about the time you lost a baseball card because it was thrown away? And will it have your dog in it? I hope you forgave your dog for eating your baseball card. Maybe he was jealous because you were paying attention to the cards instead of him! Write back and tell me what your story will be about. I think you will have fun writing it!
Your Friend,
Hi, Here is my story map. Can you help me with my story map?
Your Friend,
Your story map was fun to look at. It made me think about playing baseball on a warm summer day, with the smell of cut grass floating on the air, and corn fields waving their broad leaves beside the ball field. You did a great job telling who your characters are on the "Who" circle. Your "Where" circle tells that that your story will take place at a baseball game. I see in your "What" circle you have added that it is at a family picnic. You might want to move that to your "Where" box. Your story will take place at a baseball game at the family picnic. Your "When" circle does a great job of telling me that the baseball game will take place in June and in the morning. Super! You included all the important details about when your story will take place. I can picture the day. I see that your problem is that you hit the ball, and then your dad threw it over the fence. Was that after you hit it? Is the problem that the ball is lost? In the "Solution" box you have written that the ball landed in a corn field. But how did you find the ball? Does your dog find the ball for you, or does everyone search until someone sees it? Do you see it rolling down a corn row, or accidentally kick it with your toe while you search? Do you see a groundhog trying to tug your ball into his hole? That could be very funny. Is this going to be a true story? You might want to tell what really happened, or you could make something up to make your story more fun. It is YOUR story, so write what you want to make it a good story. You have a good start to a great story. I will look forward to your next letter, and to seeing what you will write!
Your Friend,
February 7, 2002 Hello David, I liked reading your story map because I could see how much work you have done! Your story is taking shape. You've developed your ideas very well and now your tale is coming to life! This story will be a lot of fun because it is about you, and your family, and your dog, all important things. I like that you will open the story with the excitement of the ball game and with your dad trying to get you out. Then, when you hit the ball and make a home run, you do not just end happily ever after, but create a mystery instead! Where is the ball? You've put together a lot of good ideas; a ball game, a birthday party, a lost ball, and your dog coming to the rescue, and I think your story will work very well. As you write, be careful about keeping it clear. Sometimes, when we write stories with a lot of characters it can become confusing. If you move from event to event, just like you did in your story map, it will be easier to make it clear. Use description to help us know the difference between your characters. If you have your characters talk in your story, it will make it seem real. That's called dialog. (A funny thing about the word dialog is that it can be spelled dialog, or dialogue, and either one is correct!) I like the way you ended your story. It came full circle from where it started. You began with a family having fun, enjoying each other and ended the same way, but with cake and ice cream! I like that a lot! I will look forward to reading the first draft of your story. Have lots of fun!
Your Friend,
March 14, 2002
Baseball Game By David "Hurry, David! He's going to get you!" I'm running as fast as can and my legs are hurting! I'm out of breath! Today, June 27th, is my birthday and in the morning we are having a family picnic and baseball game. The game is at Wicomico baseball field. The game started at 10:00 and ended at 12:00 Then we had a picnic then we got to play on the play ground. Mom invited my cousins. They are good at playing sports. Dad was pitcher mom was outfield my cousins my yongist cousin wasent playing my oldist cousin was 3 base my other cousin was 1baes myAunt was 2baes my Sister was bating my two Brothers were witing to bat. I was witing to bat i was next. When I got up to bat I hit a high fly ball way out into the cornfield. Mom was in the outfield The sun got in her eyes and she dropped the ball. I hit a home run and ran all around the bases. As I was running around 3rd heading for home ,mom threw the ball to dad. My dad threw the ball too high and it went over the fence. The ball got lost in the behind the batter's box. My dog's name is Tippy. He hit the cornfield ball with his nose and grabbed the ball and brought the ball to me. I went out to the cornfield look for the ball too My team won the score was 36 to 35. We went home and had ice cream and cake. My birthday was fun I gave Tippy a piece of cake as a reward for finding my ball.
March 15, 2002 Hi David, I just read your story's first draft. It was great! It felt like I was playing the game with you. I like the way you opened the story with an exciting line, too! As I read, I realized that you have the pieces to a wonderful story, but just like a puzzle, you may have to rearrange them a little to get the story just right. After you say you are running as fast as you can and your legs are hurting, maybe you could say, "I've just hit a high fly ball into the corn field. I hope I can make it around all the bases!" using the information you have in the first line of your fourth paragraph. That way, the reader will know right away why you are running. Then, you can tell us that it is your birthday and share the information about the baseball game, going on to tell how your mom couldn't see and you made it all the way around the bases. You will also have to be careful about switching tenses. All writers have times when they get present tense and past tense mixed up a little in their stories. Present tense is when you write the story as if it is happening right now. Past tense is when you are writing about something that has already happened. Here is an example: "I'm running as fast as I can and my legs are hurting." This is present tense. You are running, right now. The story is happening right now, in the present. If you wanted to make it past tense you would say, I ran as fast as I could and my legs were hurting. Here is another example: Dad was the pitcher and Mom was in the outfield with my cousins. This is past tense because you used the word was, making it something that has already happened. You are telling the story that has already happened. If you changed it to, Dad is the pitcher and Mom is in the outfield with my cousins, it would be present tense. Can you see how that one little word changes the story? I liked the way Tippy found the ball and pushed it with her nose. I could just picture a dog doing that, but I wondered what Tippy looks like? I'm glad your story had a happy ending. I like it when a story is exciting, and it has a happy ending. I hope you have fun moving around the pieces in your puzzle and making your story grow! Write back soon.
Your Friend, |
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