Cody
Dear Mrs. Szymanski, My name is Cody Shupe and I am 9 years old. I like football, sports books, sports, typing, writing, and school. My favorite book is Terrell Davis and it talks about his career in football. I feel great about reading and it is fun to do and I do it at school and home. I want my story to be about football so I can learn more about it.
Your Friend,
November 11, 2004 Hi Cody, I am happy to meet you! Thank you for your email. We are going to have a great time working together this year. It is good to hear that you like books and reading, writing and school.
Football is a good topic to write about, especially if you love it. When you write about things you know about and you love, your writing is always at its best. Readers can tell when an author is writing from his heart. Have you thought about the plot yet? That is what will happen in your story. Most stories start with a problem. As soon as you start reading, you find out that something is something wrong. By the end of the story the problem is solved. Maybe you could think of a problem for your football player, or for your team? I am looking forward to seeing what you will write! Working together will be the most fun work ever!
Warm Wishes,
December 7, 2004 Thank you for the wonderful story map! You did a great job. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. You added so much information and good details about the game! Your setting is perfect. Your characters are men we all know and love. The description of the game is realistic and I can tell you know and love the game of football! I am worried about the problem. At first I thought this was one of your football games, but then I saw the character names and realized it was a professonal football game. The problem is that a professional NFL team would never be short of players. They always have enough spare players to hit the field, even if they aren't the best players. They would never have to call up people looking for players. You could make this story about your own football team and keep it as it is, only changing the character names. Or, this could still be about an NFL team if you come up with a different problem. Maybe the best quarterback is injured and they have to send out a quarterback who has no experience? I bet you could come up with an even better idea! You could play the "What If" game to find ideas about the problem you will use in your story. When I play the "What-If" game I ask myself lots of questions to figure out what makes the best story. I ask myself, “What if this happened in the story, or what if that happened in the story, how would each idea make the story turn out”? By doing that, you can come up with ideas that would be realistic for a real NFL team. I know you will be able to come up with more ideas to make your story work, and I am looking forward to hearing from you! It will be fun to see what you decide!
Your Friend,
Wild NFL Street Football PeopleBy: CodyThe Baltimore Ravens are practicing for the football game next Sunday. They really want to win because they have never lost to the St. Louis Rams and they do not want to spoil their record. They feel like they have a good chance of winning because they have great players. They have Ray Lewis who is on the All Star team on defense. The Ravens also have Jamal Lewis who is good at making touchdowns as a running back. It is going to be a good game because these players are the best. Last week the Ravens starting quarterback, Kyle Boller, got injured. The Ravens have a fast quarterback and one of the best quarterbacks in the league. His name is Michael Vick gets injured also but and he is a star player for the Ravens. If Michael gets injured and they have no quarterback so we would have to forfeit the game. Sunday came and by the 4th quarter the Ravens were behind by a touchdown and they were losing 20-27. Then Ray Lewis made a great sack for the Ravens. St. Louis fumbled and we recovered it. We were losing 20-27 and then we scored in the 4th.We went to overtime and then we came back and scored again by an interception by Warren Sapp. We fumbled and then we got on defense. Warren Sapp sacked the St. Louis quarter back, injured him and he fumbled. We got the ball back!!!!!!!! We made a touchdown by a pass to Randy Moss. They think the game is going to end with a good game of 27-27 in overtime and then we scored again so we won!!!!! The final score was 34-27. There is no team in the NFL better then the Ravens.
January 20, 2005 Hi Cody, You must really love the Ravens! You know a lot about them. The Ravens training camp is at the college where I once worked. I used to watch them practice from the windows. It's too bad they didn't get into the playoffs. Next year they will do it! I like all the information you have in your story. It would be really neat if you could start your story in the middle of action on the field. This would draw the reader in, and make him want to read more. You have written your first paragraph in present tense. That means it is happening as you write it. You wrote, "The Baltimore Ravens are practicing on the field," instead of "The Baltimore Ravens were practicing on the field." The second paragraph is past tense. You write "Last week the Ravens starting quarterback, Kyle Boller got injured." I believe the story would be more exciting and easier for you to write if the whole story was written in past tense. If you describe the players on the field, it will make your story come to life. Here is an example: "Warren Sapp's legs pumped hard. He ran down the field, weaving St. Louis players. Sweat ran from his face, but that didn't stop him. He sacked the St. Louis quarterback, and came up smiling, holding two thumbs up to the crowd." See how the description of the player and the action on the field brings the story to life? I bet your descriptions will be better than mine because you know a lot about football! I like the way you ended with a winning game. I'd like to know more about what happened to make the game go into overtime, and I'd especially like to know more about the final play. I know this is going to be a super story and I can't wait to read your second draft! Write back soon!
Your Friend,
Permian Panthers 1988By: Cody"Throw me the ball, Mike. I'll catch it!!" thought Allen Myles. The wide receiver for the Panthers could see where the ball was heading and jumped high to catch it. He felt sure that he would catch the football, but it tipped his hand and fell into the end zone. Allen lost his balance after he missed the football and it fell in the ground near the 50 yard line. He was disappointed that he dropped the ball but he tried harder to get better for tomorrow's game against Cooper. Saturday afternoon the Permian Panthers practiced very hard on the field. The men ran trick plays, run plays, and pass plays for the football game on the field. They really wanted to win because they had never lost to Dallas Carter which is a very good team. They did not want to spoil their record. They felt like they had a good chance of winning because they had great players. They were against Robert Widicer who is on Carter. The Panthers also have James Miles who is good at making touchdowns as a running back. It was going to be a good game because these players are the best. Last week the Panthers starting quarterback, Mike Winchell played his heart out in the game. The Panthers have a fast quarterback and one of the best quarterbacks in the league. If Michael gets injured and the Panthers have no other quarterback they would have to forfeit the game. Sunday came and by the 4th quarter the Panthers were behind by a touchdown. Then Brian Chavez made a great sack for the Panthers. Carter fumbled and the Panthers recovered it. We scored by a touchdown pass to Allen Myles. We went into overtime and then we came back and scored again by an interception by Ivry Christian. Ivry' legs pumped hard, and he was sweating like never before. He sacked the Dallas Carter quarterback and pumped up the crowd. We got the ball back!!!!!!!! We made a touchdown by a pass to Chris Comer. Then it was a tie game at 27-27. The coaches thought the game was going to end with a good game of 27-27 in overtime. The ball was on the 50 yard line. The Panthers got the ball by a fumble and then they fumbled it and Carter recovered it. The final score was 34-27.We scored the winning touchdown by an interception by Brian Chavez. The Panthers did their best at all their games and practices. If you do your best it does not matter if you win or lose. But it is always nice to win.
April 19, 2005 Hi Cody, Thank you for sending me your story. It is looking good! I like the way you open your story with dialog. It drew me right in and made me want to read more. I immediately knew it was going to be a story about a ball game, and it let me meet two of the characters right away. In paragraph two, instead of telling us that he is disappointed, it would be neat if you showed us Allens disappointment. Maybe he could say something out loud? He could say, I cant believe I did that! or I have to do better than this if we are going to win tomorrows game against Cooper! or maybe he could just grunt in disappointment? Your description of the practice is very good. I like the way we meet some of the players from Cooper ahead of time, so we know what to expect. The fourth paragraph is good. It would be even better if he was talking with his friend. Could Allen say, Mike, you played your heart out last week, or You better not get injured or well have to forfeit the big game! Maybe Mike could laugh and say something in return? Your description of the actual game is just wonderful. I can tell you love the game. I could see the plays unfolding in my head as I read. I loved it when you said Ivrys legs pumped hard and he was sweating like never before. I could feel how much this game meant to them! I felt like I was there. The first sentence in the next paragraph should say, The coaches thought the game would end with After Brian Chavez scores the final touchdown it would be great to see how the players feel. Maybe they could cheer, or pat each other on the back, or hug? (Do guys ever hug at the end of a game?) Maybe Allen could say something to Mike about the great game they just played, or about how glad he was that he didnt get injured? Ending with a team full of happy players and the two friends who started the story would make this wonderful story even stronger. I am proud of how this story has grown. You are a wonderful writer and I really enjoyed reading this!
Hugs from your friend,
Permian Panthers 1988 FootballBy: Cody"Throw me the ball, Mike. I'll catch it!!" thought Allen Myles. The wide receiver for the Panthers could see where the ball was heading and jumped high to catch it. He felt sure that he would catch the football, but it tipped his hand and fell into the end zone. Allen lost his balance after he missed the football and it fell in the ground near the 50 yard line. "I have to do better than this if we are going to win tomorrows game," thought Allen. Saturday afternoon the Permian Panthers practiced very hard on the field. The men ran trick plays, run plays, and pass plays for the football game on the field. They really wanted to win because they had never lost to Dallas Carter, a very good team. They did not want to spoil their record. They felt like they had a good chance of winning because they had great players. They played against Robert Widicer who is on Dallas. The Panthers also have James Miles who is good at making touchdowns as a running back. It was going to be a good game because these players are the best. Last week the Panthers starting quarterback, Mike Winchell played a fantastic game. "Mike, you played your heart out last week," said Allen. Mike laughed and said, "I have proof that the game was tough. Look at me, I'm covered in bruises." The Panthers have a fast quarterback and one of the best quarterbacks in the league. If Michael gets injured and the Panthers have no other quarterback they would have to forfeit the game. Sunday came and by the 4th quarter the Panthers were behind by a touchdown. Then Brian Chavez made a great sack for the Panthers. Carter fumbled and the Panthers recovered it. We scored by a touchdown pass to Allen Myles. We went into overtime and then we came back and scored again by an interception by Ivry Christian. Ivry's legs pumped hard, and he was sweating like never before. He sacked the Dallas Carter quarterback and pumped up the crowd. We got the ball back!!!!!!!! We made a touchdown by a pass to Chris Comer. Then it was a tie game at 27-27. The coaches thought the game would end with a score of 27-27 in overtime. The ball was on the 50 yard line. The Panthers got the ball by a fumble and then they fumbled it and Carter recovered it. The final score was 34-27.We scored the winning touchdown by an interception by Brian Chavez. They yelled their way off the field, slapping each other's helmets, patting each other on the shoulder. The team went out to celebrate for winning the game. They went to a party where they had fun. They had it outside the stadium. Mike and Allen smiled at each other and said, "Good game!"
Hi Cody, Your finished story looks great! You added some wonderful new stuff and made your story feel real. I love the way you added Allen's thoughts in paragraph three. And I liked when Mike said, "I have proof that the game was tough. Look at me, I'm covered in bruises." I could hear him saying it as if he was right beside me as I read. The end of your story is triple-wonderful. I could picture the team yelling and slapping each other and celebrating their way off the field. I hope you are as proud of your story as I am of you. You have worked hard all year on it and the final story is spectacular!
Warmest Wishes from your Friend, |
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Patti Weeg May 21, 2005 |
November 8, 2004
I like football, too. I wish I undestood it better, but I
still have fun watching all the Ravens games with my family.
I wish I knew more about Terrell Davis. Maybe I will learn
more from you. Will you be mentioning Terrell Davis in your
story? Maybe your character will like Terrell Davis, too!
