Chelsea
Dear Mrs Szymanski, I am 10 years old. I love basketball, soccer too. I want to write a story about cheerleeding. I am in cheerleeding also.
Your new friend,
Hi Chelsea, It is good to hear from you. We are going to have a good time working together as you write your story! Basketball is a fun sport. Do you like to play, or watch? I like to watch. I'm not very good at playing. I think I am just too slow. What is the most fun thing about cheerleading? If you are going to write a story about it, you will want to make sure your readers know what makes cheerleading fun! I know it will be a good story, because you like being a cheerleader! Now you will have to think of all the things that go into your story. You need a main character. WIll it be you? You will need a plot. A plot is what happens in the story. Do you know what will happen? I know that you will be busy thinking about your story and what will go in it. I can't wait to read what you write. I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Warmest Wishes,
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 15:25:35 -0500 Hi Chelsea, Thank you for sharing your story map! Here are some of my thoughts: Setting- Your setting is a nice one. I think a summer weekend in New York is a lovely time and place, especially in the afternoon. Characters - I am glad you choose to have three characters in your story. That's enough to be interesting, but not too many characters. Too many can be hard to manage in a story. Problem or Conflict - I wondered what the problem is that your characters can not do? Is it a cheerleading move, or winning a cheerleading competition? Or is it something that doesn't have to do with cheerleading at all, but is a problem that all the cheerleaders have? Possible Solution- What will they get better at? A cheerleading move? Ending - How will your story end? You have a good start, but you will have to think about your problem and solution a bit more. I know that it is sometimes hard to come up with new ideas. It helps me to do two things. The first thing I like to do is to close my eyes and imagine that I am the character, I am in the setting, and I try to imagine what happens in the story. Sometimes a story unfolds in my mind. It's like magic! The second thing I like to do is to play the "What if?" game. In the "What if?" game I think of lots and lots of things that could happen in the story and I ask myself, "What if this happened, where would my story go?" Then I ask myself "What if this happened instead?" And I think about something else that could happen and where it would make my story go, until I find the idea that makes the best possible story. I know that your imagination will help you find your story. I'll be waiting to see what you come up with next!
Your Friend,
The Cheerleading Team
My cousins, Kayla and Krissa and I are on a cheerleading team in New York city. We are practicing for the Hurricanes Championship game. We practice an hour. We are doing this really neat move where Kayla and Krissa hold me up and throw me in the air. This is a hard move because I am the heaviest person on the team. We cannot do this move because Kayla and Krissa have to hold me up. We decided to pick up Krissa because she is the lightest in the team. The championship game is coming in three weeks. We can practice a whole lot. Now we know how to do it really well. We are good at it. Kayla and I have to hold Krissa up and then we throw her in the air and catch her. We ended up winning the championship game. Then we got ice cream in the neighborhood.
Hi Chelsea, Thank you for sending your story to me. You made me think that cheerleading must be fun! You also made me wonder if this is a true story. I liked your story, but I had a feeling that you had a lot more to tell! I wanted to know more about the practices. I bet you got tired of writing, and that you know lots of fun details about cheerleading. I bet you know more about cheerleading than most people do! Here are some questions that I thought might help you make your story more full.
There are so many questions you could ask, to see if the answers will make your story more exciting. The neat thing about writing a story is that you can make anything happen! It is your story and the characters can do anything you want them to do! I am looking forward to hearing from you again! I can't wait to see the next draft of your story. Being an author is especially fun because you can make anything happen! I will be waiting to see what happens for you!
Your Friend,
The Cheerleading Team
My cousins, Kayla and Krissa and I are on a cheerleading team in New York city. We are practicing for the Hurricanes Championship game. We practice for an hour three times a week at the football l field. It’s fun practicing outside because it is nice and hot outside. We bring plenty of water to drink. We want to do this really neat cheerleading move where Kayla and Krissa hold me up and throw me in the air. This is hard because I am the heaviest person on the team. We tried but we cannot do this move because Kayla and Krissa are not that strong . They could not pick me up. They got tired and gave up. My feelings were not hurt . We decided to pick up Krissa because she is the lightest in the team. Kayla and I are strong. We practiced and we picked Krissa up the first time and it was fun! We all agreed that we would pick up Krissa for the championship. The championship game is coming in three weeks. We will practice a whole lot before the game then we will know how to do it really well. We will be very good at it. Kayla and I have to hold Krissa up and then we throw her in the air and catch her. Our timing has to be perfect. The game was tied up 7-7 when The Hurricanes scored another touchdown It was the fourth quarter and the game was almost over. Kayla, Krissa and I began our cheer on the sideline. The crowd was cheering for us. They loved us a lot. I think we helped the players feel more determined to win. We ended up winning the championship game. Then we got ice cream and walked around happily in the neighborhood.
Hi Chelsea, Thank you for sending me the rewrite of your story. I liked reading it and I see that you have worked hard on making it even better! The biggest problem in your story is that you change tense many times. This is something that even experienced adult writers sometimes have trouble with. You start out saying "We are practicing for the Hurricane's Championship game." This sentence is in present tense, as if you are actually doing it now, not telling a story about it. The word are makes it present tense. It would be easier to change your story to past tense, (so you are telling us a story of what happened). If you change are to were, you will change your story to past tense. So your sentence will be, "We were practicing for the Hurricane's Championship game." To keep your story in past tense, you will want to change some words in your next paragraph, too. You should say, "We wanted to… In paragraph three, say, "The championship game was coming in…"and "We practiced a whole lot before the game so we would know how to do it really well. We would be very good at it. Kayla and I would have to hold Krissa up, and then throw her in the air and catch her. Our timing would have to be perfect." The rest of your story is already in past tense. I like the way you end your story. A happy ending is always good! I look forward to seeing your changes. Write back to me soon!
Warmest Wishes From Your Friend, |
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Patti Weeg May 3, 2003 |
Nov. 8, 2002
Date: Thu, 14 Nov 2002 13:05:42 -0500